Thursday & Friday July 21-22, 2011

I wanted to hang out with Avanti and Surbhi on my next trip to Khajuraho. When we parted I found out that they were going to be in Khajuraho 3 days after me and 2 days earlier they would be in a place that was kinda close to Khajuraho. I was thinking of extending my trip when they told me that it was quite easy for tourists to book train tickets by showing our tourist visa without having to book a month in advance. So that was the plan anyways but unfortunately didn’t come to much fruition when they told me that they were coming to Khaju in 5 days instead of 3. I was kinda bummed out but what can I say.

The trip to Khajuraho was a trip too long in duration. It was like a 20 hour train journey and another three and a half hour on the bus. Khajuraho is a village and it’s located in Madhya Pradesh well off the beaten path. The only way to get there was either by plane or by train and then by bus. If you think the plane was convenient, you would be wrong. There was no direct planes to Khaju from Pune and so I would have to fly to Delhi, and I believe wait for a day there for a connecting flight in to Khaju. There are only 4 flights per week from Delhi to Khaju...and it was pretty pricy.

2nd class AC...there are no 1st class.

The views were terrible...with fogged up windows.

I got to Khaju on Friday at around 5 in the evening, mind you...I left Pune the day before at 2:45 pm. Khajuraho turned out to be quite a popular place...there were many foreign tourists and a lot of Indian tourists as well. Now that the season is about to begin, there are roughly 2000 daily visitors to Khajuraho...which consists of 150 foreigners....a lot of them were French...I didn’t meet too many Americans.

To get the best view, you can open the door to the train.

views from the train...it was kinda unsafe to have doors open when the train was going at the speed of 120km/h

 Khajuraho reminded me a lot like Delhi where everyone approaches you and asks if you can come into their shop. But now that I’ve been in India for over 2 months, I wasn’t intimidated...as a matter of fact I sometimes take them up for it and actually got to know more about the locals and their livelihood. But it got quite annoying when one after another asked me whether I was from Japan or Korea. One redeeming factor was that I also got some opportunities to visit the local villages around Khajuraho which was a lot of fun. It just made me want to see more villages in India.

I think that ppl come to Khajuraho for only one reason: to visit the marvelous erotic figures that were carved in sandstone outside the temple. I’m not sure how much of the temples have been restored and how much of it survived but what I saw was quite incredible. Really incredible work of art...the figures were all beautifully done but some statues were partially destroyed by the Muslim invasion in the middle ages. 

this was one of the Jain temple in the eastern group.

the details were simply amazing.

 In the next blog, I will show you more pictures of the other temples.

Sabarmati Ashram in Ahmedabad (July 10 & 11)

I actually didn’t intend to go to Ahmedabad after Udaipur, but the wedding was over on Sunday and Vaibhav was leaving in the afternoon. I was planning to spend a day touring Udaipur, but it was kinda hard to arrange because I was staying with the family and wasn’t in a hotel and didn’t know where to start booking a tour. So I told Vaibhav that I was also planning to leave for Ahmedabad and catch my flight back home the next day.

saying our last goodbyes.

Unlike going to Udaipur on a local bus, this time around I was in one of the family’s SUV. We got to Ahmedabad probably about 6:45 pm, the driver dropped off Vaibhav and a couple at the airport and I booked into a hotel close to the airport.

Ahmedabad is the capital of Gujarat and it worked out quite well for me because I was able to visit the other important Gandhi ashram (the Sabarmati ashram where Gandhi stayed for over 17 years). This is the same ashram where he set out for the Dandi Salt march (240 miles journey which he finished in 24 days at the age of 60) and vowed to never return back to the ashram until India was free. After this ashram he settled in Sevagram, the one that I visited earlier.

Some historical pictures of Gandhi are blown up into posters. It looks really good considering the fact that many historical pictures in other Gandhi museums across India aren't so in good condition. 

A view of Gandhi throughout the decades.

A photograph-painting

 Sabarmati ashram, in my opinion, is probably the best ashram. There are a lot of historical pictures of Gandhi that I’ve never seen before and a handful of paintings of him that were done in the ‘60s. The strange thing about this ashram is that it’s in a city. Well, 80 years ago, the ashram was a perfectly secluded place but ever since Ahmedabad began to expand, it completely engulf the ashram as well so I saw traffic on bridges.

views from the ashram.

I hired a rickshaw to take me around some of the places that I thought were important in Ahmedabad and really there weren’t a whole lot of places that I knew of and I didn’t really read the guide book. But I read that in the guidebook that I shouldn’t leave Ahmedabad without seeing the Calico Textile Museum so I went there at about 11 am and they told me to come back at 2:30 when it’s re-opened. It opens twice a day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon. I read that in the morning they show you some incredible clothing of Shah Jahan, the guy who built the Taj Mahal. Too bad I missed it.

In front of the ashram are 9 trees: faith, joy, unity, peace, truth, kindness, love, ekavaa, aananda (bliss)

Madame Slade's hut, an ardent follower of Gandhi.

 The rickshaw guy dropped me back to the Calico textile at 2:30 where I must have waited for another half an hour for them to let us in. I was the only one waiting until it was almost 2:55 when two girls came in. They turned out to be a lot of fun. They were friends, both graduated from Pune University in architecture which takes 5 years to finish and are now spending a month traveling before they go back to their home and find work. Their names were Avanti and Surbhi...Avanti a very cute girl was from Chennai and I was quite surprised when she said she was from there because most of Tamil ppl are quite dark. She, on the other hand, was quite fair. I don’t remember where Surbhi was from but both were staying in Ahmedabad with Surbhi’s aunt before they do this crazy tour all over the western and northern parts of India.

 I hung out with them for like 3-4 hours. We enjoyed the Calico textile museum for an hour which turned out really to be one of the best museum that I’ve ever been to. It’s probably a lot better than the one that I saw in Mumbai. Unfortunately they did not allow any cameras inside and so I couldn’t share with you some of the beautiful tapestries that I saw there and there were hundreds of them. I learned that most of them were from the state of Rajasthan where I was for the wedding. For some reason we weren’t charged any entrance fees and the tour-guide was completely free. The guide said that because this was a private museum, the condition was well-kept.

After the museum, both girls wanted to go to the Sabarmati ashram and I thought it was a good idea just to hang out with them since the ashram is so important and I hardly spent more than two hours. So we hung out again and by this time it rained quite a bit. By 5:00, I wanted all of us to get some dinner but both girls said that it was way too early for Indians to have dinner. They usually have a snack at about this time and dinner should be around 8:30-9. So they ordered Gujarati snacks which were quite good. Afterwards, we exchanged contact information, and I dropped the girls at the bus stop and I went back to my hotel to get ready for my 9:45 pm flight back to Pune.

The Big Day (Part II)

So this is the wedding day right. Well weddings here in India, starts at 8 pm and it goes until 5 in the morning. I don’t think there’s any day wedding...I asked Vaibhav that and I think he said that the only time they would consider wedding during the day is when a place is really dangerous for women or anyone to go out at night or Punjab wedding which I believe happens during the day...otherwise all the weddings happen at night and runs into the wee hours. But not everyone will stay until 5 in the morning. Only the side of the bride’s will stay for the entire thing. There were roughly 20 or fewer ppl from the groom side that stayed for the entire thing. They started out with about 150 ppl...and it dwindled down to like 10-15.

We started preparing for the wedding since it was happening at 8 pm at the hotel. I put on my kurta-pajama...but you know what...everyone was expecting me to wear a dhoti. So I kinda let them down...next time for sure, I’ll wear a dhoti. I just didn’t have a special dhoti for the occasion. We headed to the hotel at 6:30 or so...and I noticed that the bride’s father brought a bag with four stacks of 1000 rupee notes. Vaibhav told me later that it was 400,000 rupees...which is $10,000 and he also paid an advancement earlier.

Abhinash told me earlier when I met him that the wedding costs around 50 lakhs...1 lakh is $2500...so you guys do the math. I mean it was a freaking lavish wedding...that is suitable for any upper-middle class Indians. The average wedding costs about 6-15 lakhs, and usually the parents of the bride started saving so that when she hits 25 they would presumably have about 15 lakhs. The bride had an incredible dress on which costs about 1-2 lakhs but I swear it looks more expensive than the actual price. The groom also had on a very nice outfit which costs about $500 (according to Vaibhav)

Vaibhav with mom and dad.

Priyanka with her beautiful dress.

The wedding procession was freaking crazy but fun too. So the bride arrived at the hotel first and then there were about 150-200 ppl from the groom side in a ceremonial procession. The groom was on a white horse, and there was loud music, also followed by fireworks. They were singing and dancing in a procession as they were heading to the hotel. They really took their time walking that 200 yards. Everyone from the groom side was singing and dancing around him while he was sitting and dancing on the horse. Vaibhav told me that to watch carefully when they are about to enter the entrance to the hotel. He said that when they reached the entrance, they will sing and dance outside the entrance for like half an hour before coming in. He said they’re just gonna savor the moment....which was exactly what they did.

the ppl from the groom's side singing and dancing...it was quite a spectacle.

he's sitting on a white horse with white clothes.

He stood on a little podium while women mark his forehead with red ink.

Afterwards, he got off his horse, and the ladies from the bride’s side put a red mark on his forehead...each woman from old to young. Once that was finished, he went inside the reception while the bride was sitting in a beautiful silver sedan chair waiting for us to carry her to the hotel. I mean the bride’s probably weighs about 110 lbs but that sedan chair must have weighed a ton. Man it was hella heavy when we had to lift her on our shoulders...it took like 4 guys...2 front, 2 back...and I also helped so about 5 guys. We carried her to the stage where she got down and sat right next to her future husband. Lots of pictures were taken. There were one or two ceremonies but this was mainly for picture opportunity for friends and relatives and to wish them future happiness. The fire ceremony was much later when a lot of ppl have already left.

 The picture-op lasted for like two and a half hours with 2 photographers and 2 ppl filming the entire event. Afterwards, a lot of ppl went and had dinner and I also did the same with some of the relatives. At about 11:00 a lot of ppl had left and the preparation for the fire-ceremony begun where the bride and groom took turns walking slowly around the fire with a brahman priest reciting some sanskrit texts...maybe from the Jain religion or the Vedas...not sure. This ceremony lasted for another 2 hours. Some of the relatives asked if I understand anything that the priest was saying and I told them that I could only pick out a few words...but that’s about it.

the bride will always sit looking downwards and shy.

The prelude before the fire ceremony.

But when 1 to 2 o’clock hit, I was pretty dead tired....The party was pretty much over for me...and fortunately the wedding didn’t last until 5 in the morning but 3. There was some kind of altercation between one of the bride’s cousin and the priest. The cousin accused the priest of rushing through the ceremony because he said that he had to go and do another wedding for a family that was wealthier than the bride’s. That led to a lot of back and forth I’m not sure if that was accurate...but if it was...I’m not sure who in their right mind would have a fire ceremony at 2 or 3 in the morning.

After the fire ceremony, there was a really late dinner for groom and bride...but I found myself a corner and close my eyes.

The fire ceremony. I was surprised to see the bride taking the groom first...

After taking this last picture, the battery of my camera died. I forgot to switch the battery pack before I left the mansion.

 So that was the wedding folks. Hope you all like it.

The Big Day Part I (Saturday, July 9)

Again, we were also sleep deprived on the day of the wedding because the women of the house like to barged into the living room at 5 in the morning to wake Abhinash up for some kind of errands. I guess the women were way too excited for sleep unlike the guys. All of us were so sleepy and it took many attempts to wake up Abhinash, one of Vaibhav’s cousin but also a very important person because he was pretty much in charge of a lot of the event functions.

He was expected to wake up at 5:15 in the morning to pick up some more guests at the train station..and he was the only one who left on the day of the wedding. But once my sleep was disrupted, it was hard for me to go back. So I just lay in bed listening to music waiting for all the other guys to wake up as well. On the day of the wedding was more of an emotional day than the previous days. A lot of the women were weeping...the bride’s mom and her aunts...since this would be the day where they would see her off to her groom’s family. There was also a ceremony where they touched her lips with some white sugar cookie (not sure what it was...wasn’t round like a cookie, but I think it was sweet). I also got the chance to do it as well which was neat b/c it felt like I was part of the family and got all the privileges afforded to family members.

Really the day of the wedding was a pretty emotional roller-coaster. A lot of the women were crying and weeping and the atmosphere felt like it was more of a funeral than a wedding. But you have to understand that once a girl is married, she'll be living with her family's husband and not her own family anymore and so this was the last day where she is still the daughter of the family. 

women taking turns to touch the bride's lips with a white sugary coated something

The bride's face and parts of her body is dappled with it.

The yellow-orange stuff is butter i think mixed with something else.

Vaibhav's mom cried.

She composed herself to apply it on the bride.

the bride's sister in law (the one who has a law degree, but is a housewife).

Abhinash's mom and the grandmother...this time it's some kind of perfume water.

The father and mother of the bride also cried. 

 After that ceremony, we had a few more hours to kill while the bride’s family get ready for the members of the groom to come. There were garlands which were to be put around the neck of the groom family members when they come to the mansion. We were also expecting the groom as well which was quite unexpected for me...because I don’t think during the 4-5 days before the marriage, the groom didn’t take part in any of the ceremonies of the bride...as I found out later, he also had ceremonies of his own which his family members prepared for him.
 

time to put on the toe-rings.

and the anklet bangles.

Well anyways, like everything Indian, the groom’s members came like an hour late. We were all waiting for him at the gate of the house...but everyone drifted away after half an hour. After an hour or so, we started seeing signs that they had finally come and the elders were the ones who put garland around the neck of the family members and the groom. I felt pretty fortunate that I got to put a garland around his neck since he was kinda heading in my direction. For some reason, he seemed to know who I was and that I was from America. God, I got to tell you guys, being an American here in India is such a big deal. Everyone seems to give you so much special treatment.

After with all the ceremony, the groom and 6 or 7 of his friends went to the living room in the other building with some of the young men from the bride’s side. After 10 minutes or so, Vaibhav came out from the meeting and told me that he needed my help because there was an awkward silence between the groom’s side and that of the bride. They weren’t talking and that he needed my help because everyone seems to be so curious about America and he needed my help to break up the silence. I was very reluctant and after 10 minutes or so...standing around and doing nothing, finally Vaibhav said we should go to the living room. I walked into the room and yea...Vaibhav was right...everyone was deadly quiet...the groom was nowhere to be found and a bunch of his friends were really cold as ice. One of them was about 6’5 and pretty damn big...and his attitude was just as unfriendly as his size. Man, I tried quite a bit to break up the ice and told Vaibhav afterwards that that was too brutal for putting me in the spot like that. Vaibhav reassured me that whatever I did really worked because I got them talking. I like to inform ppl that right now America is not as great as ppl think it is. Our economy is in shambles...this recession feels like more of a depression with probably about 20% Americans unemployed or under-employed, and the plight of education and college students. I told them that even though the dollar is probably worth more than the rupees, we live quite poorly in America. Our tax and other deductions eat up a third of our paycheck and rent eats up the other third...with college debts and other bills to pay...it is unimaginable for any Americans to get married at the age of 27 when most ppl here get married. The bride’s age is 24 and the groom is 27. Vaibhav told me that she studied art and that after her education, if the bride’s not working or going to school, then the next thing for her to do is to get married, which is very true. I told them that all of this is really impossible in America. And I told them to the best of my understanding...Americans get married when they are in their 30s when they are somewhat settled.

We talked for about half an hour and  I think I might have offended them when I assumed that they were all software engineers...turned out that all of them were in business. Afterwards they all had lunch separately in the other building while Abhinash and the men from the bride’s side served them lunch. Vaibhav and I had lunch about half an hour later. When I got back to Pune, I asked Vaibhav if the groom’s friends were really that cold and he told me that it is usually like that...some kind of game that they play which is all part of the tradition. So as far as he knows...they could be very nice and friendly ppl but on the day of the wedding there’s a lot of reservations. Who knows!

The day before the wedding (Friday, July 8)

We had to wake up very early to pick up about 30 guests at the train station and bring them to their hotel where they will be staying. These guests come from different parts of India and were not in Rajasthan. Those who were locals excluding the bride’s extended family, I believe only came for the wedding on Saturday night and were not part of the ceremonies that lasted 4-5 days before the big day.

So we picked up the guests at about 7 am since their train came late and helped them carry their luggages and brought them to their hotel. I cannot tell you how sleep deprived I was. We came back to the house at about 8:30 for breakfast and then chill for a few hours while the women were engaged in all kinds of ceremonies on the first level. Mehndi were done for women and men too if they want...but not many men that I know had any mehndi done. They were all probably so used to it. I was pretty lucky to know Vaibhav who is a relative and so I was able to see all the process that was going on if I wanted to. I accompanied the bride and ten other women to a Jain temple where the bride used some kind of red ink to draw a swastika on both sides of the temple entrance. Oh, I forgot to tell you that the entire family is Jain and all the cousins, including Vaibhav. I’m guessing that all of the guests were also Jain.

Women had mehndi done (They cannot use their hands for the next 3-4 hours). Mehndi was done in the lobby of the main building.

The bride's mother (Anita). She's really a wonderful person...very excited and probably slept for a few hours every night before the wedding. She would come into the living room at like 5 in the morning to wake up Abhinash and her own son to help her with all the miscellaneous things that had to be done.

The beautiful Priyanka. She's really sweet and I felt so privileged to meet her. I actually met her when I came in at 11 o'clock on Thursday. One of the family member asked her to come down just to meet me when I arrived. I felt really honored.

There are 2 beautiful girls in this picture: Rimpy, sister to the bride and I believe is 20. Kaneshka, a good friend of the bride and is 23 and getting closed to finishing her studies in business. Both girls study business.

The others are Vaibhav in the black t-shirt, Deepak, a really good dude, Anu, the sweet girl in the 9th grade, and Abhinash (the one who is right next to Rimpy) who lives in Assam and works in the marble business.

A quick note on Jain. Jain is not Hinduism...it is a heterodox religion like Buddhism. Founded by the last of their guru Mahavira (tradition says that there were 24 gurus before him) who was a contemporary of Buddha. Jain monks practice pretty severe asceticism. Eating once a day and wear no clothes whatsoever...completely naked. They also hold a broom to brush away any animals so as not to step on them. 

So I accompanied the bride to the temple and watched her draw two swastikas, one on each sides of the entrance. And when we entered, the bride was praying for the future happiness of the marriage. We spent about 20 minutes there and afterwards we drove back to the mansion where the women were debating whether I should get mehndi first and then have lunch...but one of Vaibhav’s cousin said that since I can’t use my hands for 2-3 hours when I applied the mehndi because I have to wait for the ink to dry, we had lunch. Then I went in to the main building where the mehndi was done, told the women that I was going to take a shower, came back 20 minutes later feeling refreshed and was ready to get mehndi done for my hands.

The bride and her retinue heading out to the local Jain temple.

Before she entered, she drew a swastika on each side of the entrance.

Praying for future happiness.

the Jain statue that all the ladies were praying to.

For the bride and groom, they had to apply mehndi on both their hands and feet and not only that it seems like they also dip the third part of their fingers in mehndi or something. It was really dark. At first I wanted mehndi done on one hand but with the encouragement of the bride’s mother I also did my other left hand. Some tried to persuade me to do my feet as well but...I thought there was no way I’m gonna make it seems like I’m going to get married...although let me tell you it was very tempting. There were a number of beautiful girls there at the wedding.

With Vaibhav's mom....a really sweet mom and I love her to death.

 After mehndi, I got to know other ppl and we also prepared for the dance which happened in the evening. And let me tell you even though I don’t know a darn thing about dancing..I tried to shake whatever I could shake...I think the girls gave me credit for at least trying unlike Vaibhav who was nowhere to be found. I told myself that you can’t lose if you put in effort. The dance began at 6 and lasted until 10:00. Then we had dinner...and I talked to one of the bride’s friend (Kaneshka). She is 23 and studying business...a very sweet and beautiful girl. You know a lot of ppl really looked up to western culture especially Americans. We are the richest country on earth...and so it seems like everyone wants to know about American life and about me.

They made me wear really tight jeans which is very stylish here in India and an orange-yellow shirt for the dance...I looked pathetic, but what the heck. Only once in a lifetime. I wish we drinks at the wedding....so that ppl would get drunk....but that didn't happen. We could have used a little more rowdiness...but everyone was sober and a little shy even on the dance floor.